DISCLAIMER: It has come to my attention that some folk believe that I “have it all together.” Please accept this disclaimer as my way of saying three things: 1) I am figuring this out (and making this up) right alongside you dear reader; 2) I am not immune to feeling completely lost in tasks that are “supposed to be” routine by now; and 3) Sometimes I have to be reminded (by other people) of the things that I write (because most of my advice for you, is actually advice for me).
I’m still in school because I still have so many things to learn about myself and how the academy really works. In sharing my learnings on this journey, I hope that my vulnerability can act as a harbinger for your future concerns. I post so that YOU know, you’re NOT the only one out there feeling this way, and we can get through this together <3.
Confession: I am very afraid. I am a fourth year graduate student in the second year of my Ph.D. and my insides tighten every time someone says, “Wow, you’re almost done. Right??” (cue eyeroll and shoulder shrug)
*In a June 2016 letter to the judge, Dan Turner, father of rapist, Brock Turner, wrote:
“His life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve…He’d never even expressed violence before the incident in question…That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action. Out of his 20+ years of life.”
Open letter on behalf of Brock Turner’s“20 minutes of action*,”
The secret? Simply ask for what you want. Yeah…that’s it. It’s actually one of the few things we must rely on since mind reading is still generally unavailable.
Sometimes, we’re so afraid of being a burden to others that we shoulder the weight all by ourselves. However, asking for help is a sign of strength and maturity—not weakness. Continue reading
As a black woman born to poor immigrants, I don’t have the luxury of relying on “good enough,” I know my work is often inspected more critically. Marginalized identities cannot settle for “good enough” because the sad truth is—we’re taught to aim low. Thus, I’ve committed to Continue reading
Your entire life is the sum of your relationships.
Think about it.
I didn’t realize how monumental relationships truly were. I knew that I loved my family and that was the most important relationship that I had up until this point. I never considered that my life can be wholly represented by the relationships I build, maintain, break off–it’s a reflection of my volatility, Continue reading
I can hear it every evening from my second floor window. It’s out in the sun whenever I’m hunched over a computer cranking out a huge assignment. It’s in every hallway while I’m grinding through linear algebra proofs in office hours.
And everyone else is having it.
So you’ve probably experienced this before. That everyone else is spending this weekend ending world hunger or partying in Vegas or having the time of their lives and you’re just doing homework. Again. Just like yesterday and the day before. F.O.M.O., also known as Continue reading